Not quite a theme yet

I must be really bored to be so productive.

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 05:50:58 GMT

Well now, I sure am glad I didn't get caught in this huge deluge going on tonight. I usually don't mind walking home, especially since it gives me time to clear my head (or muddle up my head, depending on what I'm thinking). As I was walking home tonight, it started pouring, but just for about five minutes. I raced under a nearby porch and hugged the wall, watching the rain come down and thinking I was totally screwed. It let up after a while, and continued to drizzle after that, so I was pretty lucky in that respect.

About ten minutes after I get home, there are several titanic crashes of thunder, then it just starts RAINING. If I were still outside, I'd be soaked in seconds.

I've been trying hard to keep up the habit of writing something everyday, so anyone reading this will probably see quite a few more posts in the near future, as I'm struggling to find something *interesting* to write about.

I just got through with Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere. It was pretty good. I'm not saying it was bad, now, it just didn't blow me away. I'm currently in the middle of a collection of his short stories and poems, called Smoke and Mirrors, and enjoying it far more. Go read it. Or really, just any of his stuff. I *still* need to go pick up Sandman. I keep hearing so many awesome things about it.

I've been doing some research on my story, particularly on dragons, and as you may have figured, it's really hard to dig up any kind of solid, consistent facts about imaginary creatures. So to sort of make up for the whole imaginary bit, I've decided to just do as much research as possible (really, just as much as I feel like doing before deciding the whole thing is moot anyhow) on real life reptiles, specifically the reproductive cycles and gestation processes of the saltwater crocodile, the largest reptile on Earth. Oh, and not only that, but I have to familiarize myself with the complexities of the human reproductive system, since Tiamat is essentially human in this newest version of the story. Just how long does the egg spend in her body after conception?? WHO KNOWS?? Just how long does the egg take to hatch after it's been laid (FUN FACT! Did you know many female reptiles can hold onto sperm in her body for six years?! Neither did I! 8D)?? WHO KNOWS?? To someone who likes to have things straight before setting them down on paper, it's very unnerving knowing that I'm basically just making this shit up as I go along.

I wish it ended there, but it doesn't. Not too far down the story, Tiamat leaves her child with Jon, who suddenly finds himself a single father. However, this situation brought up all kinds of questions in my mind. For example, what are the legalities of literally finding a strange baby on the doorstep? Does Jon get to legally adopt the child? Is the child taken away from him to find a suitable home? Are there any paternity tests they might make him take?? So many questions, and I have to ask myself, Why am I trying to make this thing so damn realistic? No wonder so many fantasy writers are drawn to the whole medieval, D&D type setting. If there's a problem, you just hack your way out of it; there's no need to go through all this red tape just to make something believable.

However, I really really *do* want to portray any and all difficulties Jonathan has to face in order to raise the kid. I want everything going all higgledy-piggledy when Tiamat comes back years later to reclaim her heir (if things turn out that well at all; I've killed off characters before).

I've forgotten how draining it can be to write and put your all into it. But I love it, and I really do hope this goes somewhere.

Forever between updates, as usual.

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 05:56:44 GMT

Well, like the subject says, it's been forever since my last update. In fact, the only reason I'm posting on here is so I can get back in the habit of writing regularly. Let's see how good that goes, hm?

So alright, I haven't been getting stellar hours at work. I'm lucky if I get double-digits, but more often than not, I'm packing away anywhere from three to nine hours of work a week. So yeah, I'm not exactly thrilled about that. Besides, I'm about sick and tired of retail now; I want something more. In an effort to improve my financial standing, I've been applying to different places, and sending out resumes ad nauseum. It's seriously very tedious and frustrating, especially when I get next to no call-backs.

Things have gotten so bad, in fact, that I have turned to the only thing that I have some kind of control over. I've decided that, out of sheer desperation for money, I am going to start writing for a living. That's right. I'm taking the plunge. Granted, I'm a little worried about this enterprise, considering that my literary talents so far consist of writing internet smut and term papers for lazy college kids, and not much else. But even so, I've been thinking of some articles I could submit to Cracked.com and The Onion, and seeing how things go from there. I also need to remind myself to look into some writing contests to see if I can score any money that way.

I've always looked at writing as something I would do on the side, and now I'm seriously considering it as a way to put food on the table and pay the bills. What the hell is wrong with my life right now? I have no idea if I'll have the discipline or the motivation or the creativity to see this through, but I guess since the phone isn't exactly ringing off the hook with job offers, I don't have much of a choice.

Huge and whiny cut

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 15:16:41 GMT

This post is cut for anyone who *doesn't* want to be forced to read about my sad little life. Ugh, I could really go for some buffalo wings right now...

I'm sure everyone gets tired of hearing my whinings and complainings. Well, I get tired of them too, just so you know. I really wish I wouldn't let myself type so late/early. :P All this embarrassingly expository stuff comes out, and then I feel obligated to post it 'cause I don't have much *else* to write about. Anyhow, be careful, there's a huge wall of text behind the cut.

When I first started this LJ, I made a deal with myself that I would write anything I wanted or needed in here, no matter who was or wasn't seeing it. I hardly gave this a real thought, since I already knew no one was really going to read it. Of course, now I have a few people that check it out, but nowhere near the number or readers some of my other friends do. And that's fine with me. The hardest thing about writing in here is trying not to tone down what I feel I have to say, or exaggerating things out of proportion in order to manipulate certain feelings out of anyone. Of course, I really don't want to let myself be swayed towards the other extreme; it's quite possible I could get scared out of posting at all. But writing is therapeutic to me, and I haven't been feeling well to say the least (it's really disappointing; I thought I was doing good, truly), so maybe by writing down some of the stuff that's been bugging me, I can move on.

First off, school's honestly kicking my ass. I just had to drop a class, mostly because I'd been slacking off and letting it get away from me. To be upfront, I've been slacking off in most of my classes. The late work has really been piling up, and I think I'm only being tolerated in my classes because I speak up and participate regularly and the teachers like me. Needless to say, this can only get me so far. Sooner or later, I'm going to have to do the bloody work. But I'm having a super hard time keeping focused and motivated. I have an insanely hard time saying no to anyone, mostly because if I say yes, then I can usually get out of the house.

I hate my house. To anyone out there that doesn't already know, my house is a cluttered, crowded, torn-up wreck. Not too long after my mom died, my father decided to replace all the carpeting with hard wood flooring. Well, he got as far as tearing up the carpet, and aside from a couple of rooms and a hallway, not much has gotten done. There is an enormous pile of wood resting uselessly in the den, and half the master bedroom is bereft of any kind of decent flooring. The master bedroom bath has also been torn down for repairs which never came about. Add that to piles upon teetering, growing piles of papers and letters stacked around the kitchen, den, living room... heck, even the bathrooms... Nothing has changed about this house in the last seven years. There's something about the atmosphere in here; it drags you down and keeps you down. You feel as if everything you do is hopeless and futile, that anything you try to somehow improve the situation will end up being swallowed up in the overwhelming forces of entropy and decay. There's nothing good here, and I want to get away more than anything, even if it's only a temporary relief.

Recently, I've felt pretty bad that a friend of mine has finally found someone that makes her happy. That's it in a nutshell. This has been a real toughie for me, both in sorting out my feelings and in trying to get over the whole thing. I'm starting to wonder just how long it'll take me. Right now I'm going through this ugly, nasty, and bitter phase of self-loathing and emotional self-torture. I would like to think I'm able to hide it from everyone else pretty well, but I feel that when I'm with her, especially the two of them together, that my... casual acts and put-on nonchalance are painfully transparent. I'm not going to say it's physically painful to watch them or that I can't stand being with them, because that's not true. I actually like seeing her with him; as stupid and idiotic as it sounds, I really feel happy knowing she's enjoying herself. I don't really have a problem being with them myself, but I can't help being a little stiff, or wondering if anyone else is picking up on that reluctant stiffness. When I'm hanging out with everyone, I feel I could eventually even like the guy.

When I'm alone, though, I really start worrying. I've always had the tendency of blaming myself for anything and everything. It's my fault that the house hasn't been finished (I should take the initiative and finish the floors myself); it's my fault my sister is having trouble in school (I should be home more to help her and guide her more); it's my fault my father is having medical problems (I shouldn't make him worry so much by staying out so late); it's my fault my own best friend can't find anyone she likes (maybe if I hadn't smothered her so much, she'd be less reserved, or someone might've noticed her if I wasn't always hanging on her so)... the list goes on, my friend. I blame myself for messing up so much in my life. I've let down so many people, so many of my friends, so many of my family, that sometimes it's a little hard to face them. I mess up all the time at work, and it seems that even if I try hard I'm still dropping the ball somehow.

I know that in order to be a working, functional human being, one has to love oneself first. This, sadly, is something I've never been able to do. Flatly put, I hate myself. I loathe myself. My own existence, seeing myself in the mirror, is a constant reminder to myself that I will never be like those confident, pretty people out there. God, I hate mirrors... I hate mirrors so much. I don't know how I ever disguise it, but I've had lots of practice. Everything I'm saying here is what goes on beneath the surface. I've always hated how I look... Mostly, I hate how scarred my skin is, the scarring on my face from teenage pimples. I have oily skin, oily hair, scraggly hands, arms, legs, and chest covered in coarse, dark hair, a crooked nose... The one single thing I even remotely admire about myself is my eyes, hidden behind unkempt hair and a pair of glasses. I'm talentless too... I feel like I can't do anything properly. I say I'm a writer, but what have I ever written?? It's been years since I've actually played the piano; I very nearly gave up on the guitar. I failed at learning Japanese and Spanish. I'm learning some stage magic, but who the hell cares about that? What am I going to even do with that?? I'm in school, but I slack off and skip classes. Everything I do or identify with seems so worthless and such a waste of time.

Yes, I'm comparing myself to him. In truth, I don't have any problem with him; he's cool, he's the one that's making my friend happy, and I'm pretty sure he wants to be friends with me. I don't dislike him. If there's a problem, it's definitely with me. I feel like such a lowlife compared to him, and so I don't think I'll ever be able to be perfectly comfortable sitting next to him. I'm the one that's jealous. I'm the one that's bitter. I am the one who is stuck on the girl I've been pining on for the past god knows how many years. He's a really cool guy; I'm the one that's making things difficult. I don't even feel justified in doing so, really. I feel like I'm being childish, that... Call me crazy, but I feel like my feelings don't, and shouldn't, matter, that I have no right to infringe on my friend's happiness by being unhappy. I don't want to ruin things for her, or even to damper her spirits even the tiniest bit. And you know what?? It sickens me to know I'm thinking this way. I think to myself, God, how pathetic you are... If it were any other girl, I'd be out there on the battlefield, doing my best to sweep her off her feet and out of the arms of the other guy, but I'm not doing that. No, nothing like that at all. Instead, I'm meekly cowering in the corner, trying my best not to be noticed, and I know this, and I am sickened and repulsed by my behavior.

Why does this girl even matter to me?? I really wonder about that a lot. I've always admired this girl, and I'd probably built her up inside my mind as "The Perfect Girl," even though I knew she was far from that, though I admit, there are a lot of things I do really like about her: I like how honest and straightforward she is with me, something rare in any girl; I like how kind and compassionate she really is, even if she acts aloof or rough sometimes, and you hardly ever experience the other side; I love how I can tell her anything, and I mean ANYTHING (I've never had to hold anything back from her, no matter how embarrassing or incriminating the information); I like how devoted she can be when she really gets into something; I love her willingness to try out anything new, and everything once, which is something I particularly admire, since I'm such a scaredy-cat when it comes to anything remotely unfamiliar; and in actuality, there really are a ton of reasons why she matters to me. I've been telling myself, Oh, it's just because I haven't gotten anywhere with her, or Oh, it's just some leftover infatuation from high school, but now that I think about it, the better I get to know her, the more she's meant to me.

So why am I so upset by this whole deal? That's another question that's been plaguing me recently. I've been beating myself up about this constantly, so it's about time I figure out what's really going on in my brain.

I think I'm feeling abandoned, scared of being forgotten, and betrayed, because I've always felt that I was entitled to my friend somehow, and now I'm "losing" her, even though I never had her to begin with, not even close. It's no secret to anyone that I've always felt frustrated and rejected at the fact that I've never even had the tiniest, remotest chance of feeling any speck of romance or affection from her. Yeah, that does get me upset. It raises up all kinds of questions in my mind... What's wrong with me? Why can't I be desirable? Why can't I make her happy? Why am I so ugly? Will anyone ever want me? Just... not good questions. It doesn't matter how many times I tell myself I'm perfectly fine, she just doesn't like me in that way, those haunting questions still push, shove, and claw themselves to the forefront of my consciousness. And then I'm faced with the reality of the guy she does like. I can't help but compare myself to him, and it pains me to realize that not only this guy, but every guy I've known her to like has been the exact polar opposite of me. It's not just that he's cool and I'm not, or just that he can do this and I can't, but no, every inch, every molecule of this guy is everything I am not. God. God... What am I supposed to think? ...What am I supposed to feel? This girl who I've poured my heart and soul out to, this girl who has meant so much, this girl I would've taken on the world for... has not only rejected me, but has shown her overwhelming preference for someone so drastically, diametrically removed and apart from me.

I think that's how I feel. It's hard to reach into your head and pull out whole notions; at least, that's what mine are like. Sometimes my head is as cluttered as the piles of paper littering my house. So maybe I've figured this out, and maybe I've done no more than repeat on here what I've tried vainly to articulate in my head. So now, where do I go from here? What do I want? What would I ask for if I could have things my way? Would I really want my friend as my lover? I don't know. I don't think so, even. I've always shown affection physically to those I really care for, and even if it's not fair to want it in return, that is something I've always yearned for and desired. So is it the sex, or is it simply the show of affection? I've been intimate with others, others who matter deeply to me, and then others who have not mattered much to me. Sharing that intimacy with someone I care for is deeply meaningful to me, while sex for recreation, while fun in itself, doesn't mean much more than, say, eating (and while I do enjoy eating, that's still a fairly large difference in gratification). So then it is the sex I want, either way you put it?? I don't know. Again, I really don't know. While I'm probably biased in this case, I don't know whether having that sort of relationship would matter to me or not. So what do I definitely know I want?? I want someone compassionate and empathetic, someone who listens and can say, "I can understand a little of how you feel, what you're talking about." I want someone to be able to tell me, "It's okay to feel that way; I can relate to you, even if it's just a little bit." I want someone who isn't afraid to smack me and push me forward when I'm feeling a little down, but equally important, someone who also isn't afraid to pick me up and hold me when I'm a little more than a little down.

The big thing I wonder about now is how much long I'll be stuck like this. I don't want to always be asking myself, "What if I had done this differently," or thinking to myself that I never was good enough, cute enough, funny enough, etc. I do want to get over this, one way or the other. I know that there's no way to win this, and that the best I can do is some prudent damage control. I wish I could end this on a more positive note, but I'll have to get back to you on that when some comes up. Hope to see you then.

Life Update

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 19:13:08 GMT

Hoo~ Almost a year since my last entry. But *someone* had to start posting on their LJ, so I guess I had better keep up my end of the bargain. :P

What's in my life now that's changed? Not much, to be honest. I'm still going to school, struggling through classes, still have a lame, part-time job, and still... no truck. I'm in a rut, obviously. I would say that I'm proud of myself for going back to school, but the transition of taking twelve hours' worth of classes is a bit much after a year of no school at all. I'm so used to just lazing around that whenever I get an assignment, it's so easy to just toss it over my shoulder like so much pierced toast (I really love that movie). However, my friends have been exceptionally helpful in tolerating my ever-present freeloading. I have to pay them back, somehow.

My friend's grandfather died a few days ago. I've never been particularly good at showing loss or mourning, so I'm relieved that it's not going to be a funeral, but rather a "memorial celebration." It's a gathering of everyone who knew him, spending time together and sharing memories of the guy. As far as old people go, he was pretty cool. He had been through a lot in his life, and was always more than ready to listen and give some sagely advice, no matter what the problem was. He was cool!

Ahh, so Lina's making out with this cute bad boy from her work... :O I'm so proud of her, but I think I died just a little inside... ;3; YEAH, YEAH, I'm still hung up on her, mostly, I think, because I never got ANYWHERE with that bitch. :P Well, that's only to be expected; it's human nature to want something that you can't have, and I didn't become awesome and irresistible to the ladies until just recently. Maybe I should invest in a beard/moustache combo, see how that turns out... Ack, but why do I keep attracting these young-ass bitches?? o__O Can't I get someone with a little more life experience, please?

And speaking of which, there's this cutie online that I was talking to for quite some time, but now, for some reason, she's just vanished off the face of the earth. I think she might be gone elsewhere for spring break, but it's still maddeningly frustrating. Other than that, I'm fairly excited about this chick; she's cute, intelligent, definitely quirky (love the quirks), and above all, she *likes* me. :3 See? I've totally upped my standards! XD I just wish she were a little less busy, but it's better than having no life at all, right?

That's all for now, I'll update as more interesting stuff comes around.

hmm... guess this is pretty on target....

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Thu, 01 May 2008 17:59:25 GMT

My Personality


Neuroticism	69
Extraversion	25
Openness to Experience	83
Agreeableness	80
Conscientiousness	6

You rarely get angry and it takes a lot to make you angry, however you tend to lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. People generally perceive you as distant and reserved, and you do not usually reach out to others. You prefer familiar routines and for things to stay the same. You can tend to feel uncomfortable with change. You are tenderhearted and compassionate, feeling the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity, however you believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. You are guarded in new relationships and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth about yourself. In general you tend to be disorganized and scattered.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report.

The best Buying Pet Gifts.

Here's the full report. I went ahead and bolded everything that's correct... which is more-or-less everything. I'll add my own comments in italics. Stolen from kittycow.

Neuroticism
Overall Score - 69
Anxiety - 46
Anger - 14
Depression - 99
Self-Consciousness - 67
Immoderation - 92
Vulnerability - 29

You are generally calm, although some situations can make you feel anxious or tense. You rarely get angry and it takes a lot to make you angry. You tend to lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. You are sensitive about what others think of you. Your concern about rejection and ridicule cause you to feel shy and uncomfortable around others. You are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Your fears that others will criticize or make fun of you are exaggerated and unrealistic, but your awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. You feel strong cravings and urges that you have difficulty resisting. ah, that's harsh, isn't it? But even though I think I hide it reasonably well, I get depressed easily and often. I hope *too* many people don't notice. You tend to prefer short-term pleasures and rewards over long-term consequences. You are poised, confident, and clear-thinking when stressed.

Extraversion
Overall Score - 25
Friendliness - 8
Gregariousness - 65
Assertiveness - 25
Activity Level - 11
Excitement-Seeking - 27
Cheerfulness - 67

People generally perceive you as distant and reserved, and you do not usually reach out to others. I think this is a little true, but I can reach out to strangers easily. I can relate to people very well, but I don't like people getting too close. You like crowds but sometimes feel overwhelmed by them. Sometimes you feel like you need some privacy and time for yourself. You tend not to talk much and prefer to let others control the activities of groups. You lead a leisurely and relaxed life. You would prefer to sit back and smell the roses than indulge in high energy activities. You get overwhelmed by too much noise and commotion and do not like thrill-seeking activities. You experience a range of positive feelings, including happiness, enthusiasm, optimism, and joy.

Openness to Experience
Overall Score - 83
Imagination - 82
Artistic Interests - 86
Emotionality - 85
Adventurousness - 19
Intellect - 88
Liberalism - 63

Often you find the real world is too plain and ordinary for your liking, and you use fantasy as a way of creating a richer, more interesting world for yourself. You love beauty, both in art and in nature. Sometimes you become easily involved and absorbed in artistic and natural events. You have good access to and awareness of your own feelings. You prefer familiar routines and for things to stay the same. You can tend to feel uncomfortable with change. As a person who is open-minded to new and unusual ideas, you love to play with and think about ideas. You also like to debate intellectual issues and often enjoy riddles, puzzles and brain teasers. You like the security of tradition, but sometimes have a desire to bend the rules and challenge conventional thinking.

Agreeableness
Overall Score - 80
Trust - 99
Morality - 19
Altruism - 69
Cooperation - 26
Modesty - 83
Sympathy - 96

You naturally assume that most people are fair, honest, and have good intentions. You believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. You are guarded in new relationships and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth about yourself. You find helping other people genuinely rewarding and are generally willing to assist those who are in need. You find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice. You are not adverse to confrontation and will sometimes even intimidate others to get your own way. You do not like to claim that you are better than other people, and generally shy from talking yourself up. Sometimes I like to cover up my inferiority complex with a superiority complex. It's really convenient. You are tenderhearted and compassionate, feeling the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity.

Conscientiousness
Overall Score - 6
Self-Efficacy - 5
Orderliness - 33
Dutifulness - 18
Acheivement-Striving - 17
Self-Discipline - 10
Cautiousness - 9

Often you do not feel effective, and may have a sense that you are not in control of your life. In general you tend to be disorganized and scattered. You find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining and are sometimes seen as unreliable or even irresponsible by others. You are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy. You find yourself procrastinating and show poor follow-through on tasks. Often you fail to complete tasks - even tasks that you want very much to complete. You often say or do the first thing that comes to mind without deliberating alternatives and the probable consequences of those alternatives. Wow, talk about a bad work ethic! haha Other than the last sentence, this paragraph was word-for-word identical to a friend's.

Pokemon Trainer is my new main, it seems...

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 00:07:28 GMT

I need to practice more. I want to move onto actual songs soooo bad, just for the opportunity to play something cool, but I know I'm not ready yet. BUT!! Practicing just music theory is actually paying off; I can almost improvise now! I came up with a little sucky song the other day! True, it was only two measures at the most, but if I can do that now when ten years of learning piano songs couldn't get me to improvise, then I consider that a step in the right direction.

Everyone at work is quitting! That has its good and its bad points. A MAJOR good point to that is I might be getting some more hours headed my way. Kristina has already quit, and Nicole seems to be calling in on all her days, so I'm sure she's not far behind. Neither of them had many hours to begin with, but hey, even if I can get one or two more days it'd be worth it. The bad side of Kristina and Nicole quitting is that two of the coolest people at Petco are leaving! They're the only people besides Diamond and Lina that I enjoy talking to. So... more time working with fewer tolerable people. Hmm.... we'll see how that works out.

Ooh, ooh... BIG NEWS... So I was hanging out at UTSA yesterday when I see Smiles and ask what's up.

Me: "Smiles! What's up?"
Smiles: "Gale! I'm going to go play Smash."
Me: "There's people in the room playing?"
Smiles: "Yeah. [in a low voice] They're playing Brawl."
Me: "What, Brawl?? LIES!! Smiles, you shouldn't lie!"
Smiles: "No, really! They're playing Brawl, really!"
Me: "I gotta see this..."

And so I did. I went with Smiles to the Secret Room, and got to try Brawl for the first time. Of course, first character I tried out was Jigglypuff. Holy cats, she's been toned down hardcore. She's slightly heavier, and her Rest has been nerfed TREMENDOUSLY. In other words, no more one-hit KOs. Pobre me... ;__; Pokemon Trainer is my new drug though. I seriously love the ability to change between Squirtle, Ivysaur, and Charizard, each with their own separate sets of moves. It's awesome~

My new diet plan

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 20:24:43 GMT

Hells yeah! I need to get sick more often!

First off, I'm not nearly as sick as I was the last couple of days. I have the vanishing vestiges of a headache, and I can still feel some annoying puddles of fluid in my lungs when I breathe, but for the most part I'm up and about. I attribute some of that amazing recovery to the return of the sun. Seriously, it's like... 70º F outside, which is more than fine with me. I should go outside and regenerate my powers from the strength of the yellow sun, whom I haven't seen in fucking ages, that lazy bastard.

So why should I get sick more often? Well, I weighed myself this morning, and I'm down to 165 lbs., meaning I dropped at least 10 lbs. over a period of two days! Dangerous, you say? Marketable, I see it as. Fine, don't believe me, if you still have doubts. But really, I'm estimating that I lost a lot of muscle, 'cause I still feel pretty flabby, bleh. But hey, I just need to start getting back in shape, right? RIGHT!!

Oh, and Kristina just called me to ask if I could fill in for her hours today... because someone's pregnant again. But I'm not naming names, nosiree.

Man, there goes my Saturday...

I'm such a music nerd...

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 20:02:25 GMT

Well here I am, finally updating. Wow, I wonder how many times I've said *that*. While I could probably go and count, it'll just serve to distract me even more. You see, I'm determined to get back in the habit of writing, and writing regularly in here should help that substantially.

Right now I'm kinda at a low period in my life. Everything pretty much sucks. I'm not sure who else is out there who *doesn't* know this, but my truck died a few months back, and I've been bothering everyone for rides ever since. I take the bus *sometimes* but gimme a break, I hate this cold, and the prospect of waiting out 10+ minutes for a late bus doesn't exactly excite me.

So what's keeping me from getting a new one, or even fixing the old one? Basically it's just me being lazy. Well, I can't just go out and get a new one because of a *heavy* lack of money, but I *could* fix the old one. The only thing involved in that is getting a new motor, which my dad said he'd pay for (or at least loan me the money for), and then taking out the old engine and putting in the new one. In actuality, I could probably get the job done in about a week's time, if I didn't do anything else (read: no going out and avoiding coming home). The thing is, I'm extremely nervous and apprehensive about that option because I know very little about auto-repair. The little I do know is because I've had to replace various parts on my truck and my dad's truck. Ugh... truth be told, it's a huge hassle just replacing some little part, but taking out an entire engine?? I hope you can understand how reluctant I am to start *that*.

Things at my job aren't exactly going too swell either. It's not only been myself whose hours have been cut, but also several other employees, who are none too happy about the situation. Yeah, I know... ordinarily I'd take the lack of hours as a blatant message saying, "Okay, you can quit now," but I've asked my boss at least three times if there's anything he wants to tell me or if he still wants me working there. And every time, he tells me that we're just short on hours, and everyone is getting their hours cut.

Now *that's* something I can take care of! I've accepted the fact that I need either a second job or a whole new job (therefore quitting Petco). I *really* don't want to quit Petco, because I actually enjoy working there! Well, that, and when an employee has been working for one whole calendar year, their paid time off jumps through the roof. There was this one guy who finally took his paid time all in one lump after he quit, and I swear, he was coming back to pick up checks for nearly a month afterwards!

I have some idea about where I want to work too. Or rather, I should say I have some leads; Leorio (The Guy Formally Known As Pedro) has told me about this site where I can fill out a single resume (albeit, a rather *long* resume) and have it sent out to all open positions in a hospital... or someplace like that. I can't remember the details, but he still has to show me that site too. Another job lead was actually a real fortunate stroke of good luck; Andi called to wish me a happy birthday on 12:01 AM, January 18th. We talked for a couple of hours, and when I got around to telling her about my horrible lack of hours, she told me that I should apply at AT&T, whether at a call center or a store. She mentioned that she'd been promoted at some AT&T place up in Austin where she works, and so I could put her down as a reference.

I'm also going to school. Good god, it's been a looooong time since I've been in class! On one hand, it's good knowing that I'm getting my life together, but on the other hand, it's made me realize just how much I hate going to school. Well, hopefully I'll be able to actually discipline myself to the point I can focus, not get distracted, and FINISH.

Besides that, there are a couple of other things that are pretty cool. By the way, sorry if this post is a bit disjointed, but I'm just catching up to myself; mapping out my life, in a way. Dana and I are working on a comic together. I hope Neemo doesn't get upset at this, but it's the comic involving Gabe and Madison. I'm feeling some heavy pressure to put out something of quality, but then again, that's why I'm doing this, to sharpen my edge. I'm also practicing my guitar in earnest. Seriously, I'm so earnest my fingertips have these nifty shiny callous! Chris Tchou is learning songs straight out of the box, using guitar tabs, but my plan, tedious and frustrating as it is, is to learn guitar theory like a mofo before actually attempting to play any songs. So far it's working out well. I can spend anywhere from one to two hours working on a single scale. My practice routine for the C scale is something like this...

Single scale: C-D-E-F-G-A-B-C-B-A-G-F-E-D-C

Chords: C, C7, Cmaj7, Csus; I'm debating about learning 6th and 9th chords, but those aren't used nearly as often.

Grand scale: The grand scale covers every note on the fret board, according to the scale I'm practicing. So for the C scale, I'd start out with an open-6th string (E), then continue playing every note until I hit the note of the scale I'm working on (in this case, C) three octaves up. So practicing it should look a little something like this:

EFGA - sixth string
BCD - fifth string
EFG - fourth string
AB - third string
CDE - second string
FGABC - first string

Wow, it sure doesn't sound like a lot, does it? But I have this nasty perfectionist streak in me, so I have to get everything right! That's why it takes so long, alright? Alright?!

Oh! Something neat I've been doing has been playing the Chrono Cross soundtrack on my stereo system, and playing the accompaniment chords on my guitar. Man, that's tough! Even on slow songs I start thinking, "Dude, why don't you slow down a bit??" Like I said earlier, I'm something of a perfectionist, but in this case I try to focus on just keeping up with the beat.

So there you have it!! That's my life! I'd like to go on about music theory A LOT more, but I don't think anyone wants to hear much more of that, heh.

Oh, I'm sick too. :P

Halloween? Where'd you go? :O

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 16:13:51 GMT

Okay, so this was my first Halloween not doing anything in particular. No parties, no trick-or-treating.... No assaulting kids with waterguns O___O (you know who you are...) But all in all, things didn't turn out so bad. Admittedly, it was lookin' pretty dark when I finished my shift, considering everyone else was still at work, but after some friends of mine got off, we headed over to Tommy's to watch The Shining and eat pizza :3

Personally, I like movies better when I see disc 1 first... usually followed by disc 2. Things make much more sense that way, and much less unnecessarily surrealistic. You know who you are.... Tommy. :P

I've been prodded into posting -__-;;

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 18:08:44 GMT

Whoo~, it's been a long time. Waitaminute, this sounds familiar, doesn't it??

Halloween is almost here, and this is the second year in a row I probably won't be doing anything big. T____T Jess's mom has been throwing parties for the past two incarnations of the Universe, and she's finally grown tired of it, so this year all us party-goers will just have to manage on our own. As a last resort, Lina and I are planning on prowling the streets assaulting trick-or-treaters with waterguns as a last resort to boredom.

Work's going alright, but the move has got me kinda worried. I think I'm mostly concerned about how things are going to be over at the new store. Everything's so laid back and relaxed where we are right now, but so many changes are happening, and I don't like a lot of it already. Jeff's transferring to the De Zavala store, so that sucks... we're probably gonna get some pissy-ass manager to replace him. >.< I'm kinda thinking about getting another job, even tho' I like this one a lot. Still... more money would help... A LOT.

Halloween!! Why must you always come when I'm poor!! ;___;

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 04:53:26 GMT

Well... I totally forgot to e-mail the results to myself, but in case anyone was wondering what my results to the Color Quiz were, I saved them to Notepad. Good thing....

It still strikes me as funny how when I first read my results, I was like "Haha, hey, this is pretty accurate!! ^^" and then after the second page, "Heh, wow.... that's... pretty close to home..." and then later, "......"

http://www.colorquiz.com/

Your Existing Situation

Working to improve his image in the eyes of others in order to obtain their compliance and agreement with his needs and wishes.

Your Stress Sources

Unfulfilled hopes have led to uncertainty and apprehension. Needs to feel secure and to avoid any further disappointment, and fears being passed over or losing standings and prestige. Doubts that things will be any better in the future and this negative attitude leads him to make exaggerated demands and to refuse to make reasonable compromises.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Willing to participate and to allow himself to become involved, but tries to fend off conflict and disturbance in order to reduce tension.

Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity but is inclined to be emotionally withdrawn, which prevents him from becoming deeply involved.

Your Desired Objective

Wants to make up for what he feels he has missed by living with exaggerated intensity; in this way he feels he can break free from all the things that oppress him.

Your Actual Problem

Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to stress and anxiety. He wants congenial contact with others and scope for development, but feels that his relationships are empty and his progress impeded. He reacts with an intense and zealous activity designed to achieve his aims at all costs.

Holy cats, a post?!

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 16:47:54 GMT

haha, lulz, just a quiz :3

Did I fool you guys into thinking I actually posted?? Pshaw~~

artemis3120 - a dash of loyalty - 1 1/2 cups of wealth - a teaspoon of ambition Boil together and serve.
'What is your personality recipe?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Fated inevitabilities.

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Mon, 14 May 2007 18:04:18 GMT

I find myself in a dilemma right now:

I can take the familiar path that I've been on for the past several years. When I first started, I felt very different compared to how I feel today about walking this path; now I'm not so sure I want to keep walking. However, if I keep walking, then things will most likely get better, but probably not in the way I really want them to. In fact, I'm not really too proud of the way things have been going in this situation....

On the other hand, I can try to start going down this other path. It's "try," because I have no idea how things are going to be over here; the only thing I have to go off of is the most minuscule grain of hope, and the only reason it's still there is it's refused to let itself be extinguished, despite my best efforts to put it out. Now, even though it's gonna be hell, I still wanna try to walk this difficult path, because I believe that if I can get through, it'll be worth it. I feel it'll be worth more than anything else I've ever known... if I can get through.

In the first situation, I feel like there are things I shouldn't be doing. At least, I shouldn't be doing them with a person who doesn't feel that way about me. And what's worse.... I don't even know if I feel the same way about her. I mean, I've given her YEARS... And this is all the growth we have to show for that?? I'm tired of being used, and I'm tired of using you. I want to save my friendship before something truly horrible happens and we end up hating each other.

Argh!!! >O But it's crap, 'cause it's not like I have anything to gain by going *elsewhere!* Okay, okay... 'cause if I do try to go after this girl, I can't do ANYTHING in good conscience while I'm still involved with the first girl. But if I decide to break things off with the first girl and pursue the second (who's a fucking bitch who gives me nothing but headaches), then if the second girl says "no" I'm fucking screwed!

I probably don't seem like a very religious person, but I *do* pray to God for guidance when I'm faced with a tough situation, or when I don't have much hope to go off of. But I'm extremely apprehensive about the feeling I was left with when I finished praying... I feel that I need to break things off completely with the first girl, that way I can approach the second with an uncluttered mind, and I'll be able to devote %100 of my heart to her. That's what I really want to do, but I'm fucking terrified that I'm gonna break things off just to get laughed away by her (I told you, she's a fucking bitch.).

I swear, I don't even know why I'm doing this in the first place. I mean, a lot of the physical and sexual attraction I had when I first met her is gone, or at least.... I don't feel it?? It's like that's not the focus anymore. And there's almost no chance that anything's gonna change, so it's like I'm messing up everything intentionally... Ah, the thing's she's put me through... -__-; If any of you guys see this chick, give her a kick in the shins for me.

That Warm, Cookies-Straight-From-the-Oven Feeling of Ultimate Evil

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 20:57:01 GMT

I've been getting more and more comfortable in my ever-increasing cynical outlook on life, especially as regards to the "Women" department. This modification of my personality and escalation of malevolence has been a triumphant success: I've become more callous to rejections, I give in far less often to the whims of you silly females, and I can now use weapons and armor of the [Evil] sub-type without suffering those god-awful penalties. It feels so good.

And now that it's been mentioned, evil shouldn't be able to be described as feeling "good." I must set my peons to the task of inventing a new word, created specifically for the purpose of embellishing the fact of how emotionally fulfilling evil is without actually invoking the term "good." Good is rainbows and bright, colorful stickers and pancakes and cookies right out of the oven; I cannot compare, say, the act of sacrificing orphaned infants in the name of a dark, nameless deity to a word synonymous with rainbows. So therefore, I need a word which will be able to convey that warm, cookies-straight-from-the-oven feeling of ultimate evil. Hurry, peons, hurry.

But alas, I fear I may be letting myself stray onto the path of charity and goodwill. Oh, the sly and sneaky ways goodness doth tempt me to help others not as Awesome as I. I was at the ranch feeding my horses of evil when I saw a chicken peeking out from a feed bucket in one of the stables. Usually, chickens at the ranch live up to their reputation, running from anything that glances in their direction. But this chicken stood her ground quite courageously against me; then I poked her, and she ran and flapped away like nothing else. So with the chicken out of the way, I was about to pour the grain in the bucket when I noticed two small, white ovals and a tiny, chirping blob of black and brown fuzz, all stashed away in a nest of hay that had accumulated at the bottom of the feed bucket.

Now, I am not yet so depraved as to actually feed baby chicks to my horses of evil, so I decided I would take pity on the poor mother and her children. I took some hay from the pile I gave the horse and made a sort of makeshift nest in a corner of the stable (don't worry, the horses are actually quite careful about not stepping on things). As the now very vocal mother hen watched, I then carefully picked up the eggs (they were so warm!) and the baby chick (it was so soft!) and placed them on their new home. Mother seemed less than pleased still, though she had calmed down a bit now she had realized I wasn't about to swallow her children whole.

I realized my amateur nest was crap, so I scooped out the original out from the feed bucket and safely relocated the chick and eggs onto that, which I put down on top of the "nest" I'd made. Almost at once, mama hen comes over and sits her fuzzy butt down on the nest. With the quest now complete, I gained 50 exp and I felt my alignment shift 4 points towards Good. I had successfully reunited the distraught mother hen with her adorable baby chicks.

I used to be so proud of myself. I had just ascended to new heights of villainy, and now this shit happens? I think I can feel the subtle, angelic glow of a halo starting to form about my head.

If anyone needs me, I'll be out kicking puppies.

Valse de ma vie...

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 00:06:34 GMT

I promised myself that I would start on my homework as soon as I procrastinated a little bit, and so, coupled with the promise that I'd start posting more, here I am.

The other day, I was cleaning my room and beneath several layers of clutter I came across a small globe that doubled as a piggy bank. I remember how, when I was a great deal younger than I am now, I would meticulously choose only the newest and brightest coins to put in this globe, so that when I opened it fifty, sixty, a hundred years from now, I would have so many near-mint condition coins to pass on to my next of kin. The bottom was stoppered up with a plastic plug, and over the coin slot I had secured several pieces of tape to keep away the dust of ages. I carefully set the globe upon my bed, not being able to resist a peek at the coins inside, their shining brilliance perfectly preserved, set apart from the world for more than a decade.

With a stubborn *pop*, I pulled out the stopper and dumped the contents of the globe out onto my bed. My disappointment grew alongside the increasing pile of tarnished coins, spilling over one another in a wild haste to taste freedom.

I wasn't particularly surprised. I half-guessed that this would be the case as soon as I'd set eyes on my long-forgotten stash of coins; before I even opened the globe, I knew that it'd be foolish to expect them to retain the same shine and vigor they possessed the day I stored them away. But some deep inextinguishable part of me held fast to the youthful, innocent belief that everything would be exactly the same as it was so, so long ago. To that childlike soul, what was in that globe was a treasure no less valuable than gold.

This really made me sit down and think about things. Recently, I've been questioning just what exactly I'm doing with my life, and what I want out of life. To be honest, I'm not doing much, and I don't want much. All the expectations I had of myself from when I first started college suddenly seemed so thin and transparent. I am no longer sure if I want to continue on my path towards being a teacher. Why do I want to be a teacher? I always thought that if I had a family, I'd need to support them. But I've already learned this lesson the hard way; I cannot build my dreams on the existence of others. What I get out of life is dependent on me.

To conclude~!! Things change, and maybe the choices I made yesterday don't necessarily reflect what I need today. If something in my life needs to be changed, then continuing down the wrong path won't correct anything.

At least I didn't fail!

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Sun, 21 Jan 2007 09:12:06 GMT

YOUR REPORT CARD:
Category	Grade
Love	B
Friends and Family	A+
Body	C
Mind	A
Finance / Career	C
Your Life's Average Grade: B
'What is your Life Grade?' at QuizGalaxy.com

A *real* update to come soon! ^__^;

Give me gifts!! >__

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 18:09:34 GMT

Xmas Stocking

leave a gift for artemis3120

get your stocking

A whole lotta nuthin...

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Sat, 09 Dec 2006 11:08:50 GMT

A lot's been going on recently... And I'm not exactly sure where to start, so I'll just dump in the first thing that comes to mind...

So many things come to mind... XD I guess I'll go with alphabetical order then. o.o

Alicia. It's really hard when you try to separate yourself from your best friend. It's sort of been working... but I can't deny that there's a huge temptation to be with her every moment of my life. I'm thinking that if I keep away for a little while, then when I come back it'll be easier to just be friends, but I know it's not going to be that uncomplicated. I'm dreading the time when she moves away; yet at the same time I anticipate it more than anything. Scary.

Father. Yeah, he's been really frustrating recently. v___v;; I can't understand how he can get so mad when he has nothing to complain about!! I mean, really, I need those damn forms so I can pay for freakin' school, and when I try to make a deal he gets pissed. What the hell is that? And then he bitches if I'm not at his beck and call 24/7. Sheesh... The guy needs to find a lady to occupy his time or something... anything to take his attention away from me ^-^

Gaming. Woot!! ^-^ So the Smash Bros. Melee tournament came and went. Sadly, I didn't do so hot, but I'm glad I made such a lasting impression on Mr. C and Fear!! XD Whee~~! They were scared of me!! Still, I'm a bit disappointed I lost to them, but I knocked out a whole bunch of noobs before I bit the dust, woot... And damnit!! >.< I wanna play Guitar Hero 2 some more, and I wanna try out Wii Sports!! RAWR!! Especially Wii Boxing... oi, that looks like so much fun... o__o

School. -__-;; I feel so far behind other people my age. I'm going to be graduating at the same time Lina is... ugh, so depressing... Oh well, at least I'll have Tommy to keep me company at the rate he's going ^__^;;

Work. I was doing well. I was really doing well at this place. I was all ready to ask for my raise too... But then my father calls and insists I make it for this election meeting at the ranch downtown, so I have to tell my manager "Hey, you're stuck without a closer!" Well, there goes my raise... ;___; You don't understand how traumatized I was by this at the time: I really feel a sense of pride that I've been doing good at this job. I mean, I haven't been late too often (and if you know me well, you should know how big of a thing that is for me!), I've been learning new things... But now my boss is pissed off at me. *sigh*

?????. I don't even know why I bother hiding this. -__-; ...*sigh*... To put it plain and simple, I'm really scared. I'm scared things are going to go back to the way they used to be. I know if that happens then I'm just going to get hurt again, and... >.< Distancing myself isn't the answer, and besides, I really don't think I could do that anyways. I feel such a kinship with that person, it's almost magnetic! Is it possible for people and hearts to change?? Heh, don't answer that, 'cause I know what the answer is...

~*~*~*~

*phew* I think that's most of the one-shot things that have been on my back recently. Besides all that, I'm super-excited for a couple of reasons. One, Chris Wright is coming back to town for a couple of weeks!! ^____^ We're gonna play tons of Smash, 'cause I gotta train him up for when he goes back to Florida!! Argh, I have so much work cut out for me... v___v;; And ooh, I'm also excited 'cause crouching-kitty's drawing another pic of Tiamat; this one is of her in her dragon form, so I'll finally get to see how she looks! ^-^ And last but not least, there's tons of movies and books coming out that I've been looking forward to, so I'll have plenty of stuff to take people out to. But ah, right now I want LazerQuest... ;___;

Schizotypal me ^-^

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 05:33:45 GMT

I just had to post this... Stolen from hisui_yui

You scored as Schizotypal.. Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.

</td>

Schizotypal.

85%

Narcissistic

60%

Paranoid

50%

Borderline

45%

Histronic

45%

Dependant

45%

Avoidant

45%

Obsessive-Compulsive

40%

Antisocial

40%

Schizoid

30%

Personality Disorder Quiz
created with QuizFarm.com

It's been prophesied...

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 03:38:49 GMT

I just want to know how it knew where I live... o.o;; Isn't this supposed to be random?? *shivers*

</td>

</a>

Matthew
Location of Death:	San Antonio, TX
Date of Death:	10/25/2039 8:34:20 PM
Last Person Called:	Lindsay
Last Number Dialed:	911
Autoposy Performed:	Yes
Date of Autoposy:	10/26/2039 1:34:20 AM
Cause of Death:	Unknown
See your own death. Or Try this Awsome Game

T__T Libby, how could you??

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 18:47:47 GMT

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
artemis3120 goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as kittycow.
anewkeitaro gives you 4 softly glowing apple-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
automail_is_fun gives you 4 yellow cola-flavoured pieces of taffy.
hisui_shinigami gives you 16 milky white licorice-flavoured jawbreakers.
hisui_yui gives you 12 green cherry-flavoured pieces of taffy.
hybrid_4ngel tricks you! You get a clothespin.
kayiko gives you 19 milky white chocolate-flavoured gumdrops.
kittycow gives you 10 orange spearmint-flavoured pieces of taffy.
raberbagirl gives you 13 light yellow pineapple-flavoured pieces of taffy.
tiamatsoul tricks you! You get a used tissue.
artemis3120 ends up with 78 pieces of candy, a clothespin, and a used tissue.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

$1.99

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Sat, 07 Oct 2006 21:06:44 GMT

Man alive, I put in some gas for my truck the other day and I almost cried...

$1.99 a gallon. It was a sight to behold and exploit, and I did. For those of you to whom seeing is believing, then I recommend you take a gander over at the Shell (or it's competitor across the street, Chevron) on the corner of Hueber and Fredericksburg. The price is dropping by the day over there, it seems.

On to less seriously topics now...

Neemo and I are collaborating on a webcomic right now, based off my Madison/Nezumi idea. It's off to a decent start; I've been trying to come up with story-line ideas, although honestly, I hadn't given much thought to this. But fortunately I never meant for this to be a serious story. Madison's world is kinda crazy, and all sorts of nonsensical stuff happens daily. One of my main concerns is that Madison is a hard-core gamer, and though I'm proficient at my fair share of games, I've only explored a small sampling of the spectrum. I hope I can get it right with dear Madison.

As soon as we get something... anything up, I'll let everyone know. Wish us luck. >__

The bubbles killed the arrows.

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Fri, 29 Sep 2006 22:34:55 GMT

This may not mean much to many of my readers, but I'm so psyched that Cyberzone has Pop 'n' Music out... FINALLY!! >___< The bubbles are taking over my life, but thankfully I'm keeping a tight deathgrip on my money so I don't spend too much like I did back in my DDR days.

And *gasp*! I think I got better in Smash, though I honestly don't know how. Tommy practices like an infuriated orangutan on crack and I keep up with him with the barest of effort. But a lot of Crystal City Smashers (think GOOD. Like... AWESOME GOOD) came over to UTSA to beat us down. But no. Tommy and I stopped them dead in their tracks. Also, please note that I have this tendency to insert gross exaggerations in my recollections. But it is true that we ousted several of their skilled players, including Sandtrap, a fellow Jigglypuff player. And Team CatKill (that's me and Tommy ^-^) could not be beaten on teams. No exaggeration there; it was truly The Awesome.

Smash Bros. is cool, but I can't help but get all jittery when I think of the upcoming year: Twilight Princess, Guitar Hero II, Okami, Nintendo Wii... eh, and I guess PS3 is pretty cool too... But damn... >.< I think I'll wait 'til the PS4 to come out. Hopefully by then the PS3 will have become reasonably affordable.

By the way, C-K finished her commission of Kay for me, finally. It was well worth the wait. I'd have to say it's about 90% correct, according to the image of Kay I have in my head. But Dana!! Why are your hands always so funky!! ;___;

But it was really clean!!

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Sat, 23 Sep 2006 18:07:34 GMT

I had a really good night's sleep last night. It was so Awesome, considering I've gotten a cumulative five hours worth of precious slumber out of the past two days. It was possibly because of this that I had two funky dreams last night, one of which I shall share with you now.

Why is everyone posting about dreams all of a sudden?? o.o; Anywho, the first starts out with me going outside and realizing that my truck is *REALLY CLEAN*. Now, with this, a similar realization comes through my head: "My truck's clean... something must be wrong." Upon closer inspection, I find that someone jacked the engine of my poor little Quatre. They also took everything *in* my truck too, the bastards. But at least they washed it. Heck, even the inside of the enormous cavity where my engine was has been scrubbed and washed. I'm appreciative, but I'd really like my crap back.

So I start loudly bitching about my missing engine and some girl comes up and says "Oh, I think I know someone who has a new engine in his living room. Maybe he took yours??" After asking her where this guy lives, I see no choice but to prepare for the worst and head over to this jerk's house. I gather some basic supplies for breaking into a house and drive (I love dream-logic) over to where the girl said he lived. After finding all the doors to be locked, I break in through a window and search around for my engine and all the other various stuff I had in the junkpile of my truck. Like the girl said, the engine was kept in the living room on a rather shoddy-looking coffee table, like some eccentric tablepiece or something. My other crap was just scattered about the room, which really annoyed me.

Well, time's a wastin', so I hurriedly gather up all my stuff and try to make it out of the house. While I'm doing so, the jerk comes in, demanding to know why I'm in his house taking his stuff. I throw some stuff at him and run for it, engine in tow, and he gives chase. And around that time, I woke up, much to my disappointment, 'cause I'm sure there was a fight scene coming up.

The other dream I had was a bit risque, so I won't post it here. But although it was fun, it was more weird than anything else.

In other news, there's a few girls that have caught my interest as of late. Neither of them has bought me food yet (which is a definite hint to any potential girlfriends that might be looking to get an edge on the competition), so I don't have a clear-cut winner, but other than that I cannot suppress these apprehensions I'm having. One of these girls is in the fencing club, and she seems really cute and adorable, but I'm just not sure if she's interested at all. That, and also it seems as if many more guys in the fencing club have got her in their sights. As confident as I am (hah), I really don't think I'd be able to compete with all the attention that's being lavished on her. Another girl I like is one I've never really met before, but we've talked online a bit. She seems to have a really cute personality, one that I'd probably get along with really well. But of course, the distance is a killer. Arggh, but she's so cool! I have a feeling that if I told her my thoughts I'd scare her off, and I'd rather just be friends than scare her off.

The final one seems really nice, and I wish I could hang out with her more often, but... maybe she's more nice than what I'm used to? Does that scare *me* off, because it's something I'm not familiar with? I think this is what I was worried about; I've been so used to being rejected by girls that when one comes along that actually might have taken a liking to me, I don't know what to do and so I run away or avoid her.

Ah, well, I shouldn't worry about it too much. I'm pretty sure at least one of them will stumble upon this journal and lavish me with food in an attempt to win out over the others.

And today's subject is the Emu.

artemis3120@yahoo.com — Mon, 04 Sep 2006 06:21:34 GMT

Well, school's started, and I'd have to say, considering certain circumstances in the past, that things have started off reasonably well! I've skipped a couple of classes so far, but they were for damned good reasons, mind you, so don't even start.

*SIGH* I wish I had more money though!! I want to hire crouching-kitty to draw me some more character profiles! >__< I've decided I'm probably going to ask for Kay's rendition this time. Might as well, seeing as how I'm doing my best to focus on the story that isn't Dragon Blade. If that's confusing to you, then know that this particular story was called Dragon Blade for as long as anyone can remember. Unfortunately, I've decided that the name is simply just too stereotypical and generic for what I have in mind. Besides, there's Dragon everything nowadays: Dragon Half, Dragon Voice, Dragon Hunters, Dragon Ad Nauseam, (which is a really good series, you should try it)... *gasp!* And a quick Google of "Dragon Blade" brings up several results, so that does it. The only difficulty is finding a title that fits the story, and what a difficulty that is. I'll be working on it.

Hm... I just found out what had really happened between those two that night... In that case, I don't regret my actions, or any other actions that may result from that event. This is me being deliberately vague.

But speaking of, I really need to call Pedro. I need to stop being a pussy and tell him to pay me back. I mean, it's not as if I can easily forget about a substantial sum like that, but I've never actually exhorted money from anyone before! It's such a new experience for me that I find myself a wee bit nervous. But like I said, I must steel myself up to the task! It's for Kay, who I really need to see what he looks like. I'll try to be reasonable in the amount demanded...

Meanwhile, I need to go and watch some more Damekko... It's addictingly cute...